🫠 ramblings...
🫠
ramblings of an insane person
- hey can someone take me crabbing? just think about it as free labor. and ill buy some beer or something. i just want to experience it in a more authentic / genuine way
- tiktok just showed me videos on desktop in the exact same order as my previous session on my phone from several hours ago. interesting that that’s the way they went with the algo design and its not instantly generated? im sure there are resets and refreshes at some sort or interval, but super strange.
- follow up — ive skipped like a million videos to verify if this is the case and im ashamed by how many tiktoks ive consumed in my previous session lmao
- okay i got to the end and surprisingly remembered which video was my last. on my previous session, the last scene was memorable and i clicked into the comments to read. its a rural tiktok creator in china documenting his life and he never really interacts with his community but did for this occasion. asked what country his audience is viewing from. i remember some people in romania and greece. the account is @cnyangdo
- super bizzare — now i got like 15 new videos that ive never seen and then back to my session even before that. either these creators are not posting everywhere near what they were before or im just consuming way too many tiktoks. but this is not new behavior when i use tiktok — i binge the shit out of it and then delete the app. this repeat content has never happened before.
- you need a bottoms up build of this onboarding process. what am i supposed to look at and just show me that. perhaps this is my next startup idea. what is all this craziness that im looking at. what is most important. how am i supposed to digest all this.
- something about the word deaf. harsh on the ears — lol dumb joke
- shouldnt i have figured this shit out already? yes, yes you should have. and the fact you havent is terrible. prime energy, talent and attention that is just not being used at all for things
- self discipline -- how do you set the guardrails to continuously kick myself into doing the right thing; my instinct is to do the opposite. you know you're not supposed to do it. it is my value system and my incentive structure that prevents me from doing things
- each computer session should have a goal -- way too easy to wander on the internet
- everyone has a social / mental construct of who you are. your actions continuously reaffirm or come in contrast to those images. when you clash, you force people to rethink about you. make sure youre doing it for you. behavior is out of context.
- self confidence — do you think you will win again? then you are confident. memory of winning is close at hand.
- sewing notes
- First number - 2.5 default - too small of a stitch length
- Second number is a stitch width
- seam gauge is only relevant for the first option
- top dial - thread tension — usually not what you want to tweak initially. Kind of a last mile fix
- Turn wheel towards me ALWAYS - some machines have a button for this — starting position is needle always down to start
- Machine will say with a LETTER which presser foot I need to be using
- Typing on this laptop is so much easier when you have short nails. The experience is so much better.
Dude tried to fight me at 7th & Metro as I was waiting to go to Pershing Square. He was calm but had a very serious look in his eyes. Dude wanted to fight me. Why. I wasn't afraid. I knew he wouldn't do it, but there's always the possibility. That made me mad.
There was a rowdy bunch on the subway tonight. A girl moved seats from this black dude that kinda looked homeless, and he made a big stink about it. He said something about how the black isn't contagious. I don't think its because of his race, but the fact he was rowdy and homeless. It's too easy to just say that she's racist, and I'm 70% she isn't.
Like I always say. Just one of the many amenities you get when you live in DTLA.
There was a rowdy bunch on the subway tonight. A girl moved seats from this black dude that kinda looked homeless, and he made a big stink about it. He said something about how the black isn't contagious. I don't think its because of his race, but the fact he was rowdy and homeless. It's too easy to just say that she's racist, and I'm 70% she isn't.
Like I always say. Just one of the many amenities you get when you live in DTLA.
You only crave what you eat. So don't eat it and you wont crave it.
I see the art in everything. But I hardly act on it. Hardly ever.
What purpose does art have in life? Business is so straight forward. You're trying to solve a problem and monetize off of it. Relationships become easy because you have a reason to prolong it and make sense out of your behavior. Art. There is no purpose. In a good way
Im always trying to leverage my experiences to better understand situations.
That's why it's good to remind yourself of your own past.
And of course, to try new things.
Addiction and Retention
That's why it's good to remind yourself of your own past.
And of course, to try new things.
Addiction and Retention
i dont know what to focus on. im not sure what to even spend like 10 seconds with. like every decision becomes way more intentional. but at the same time things just slide and pass away. timelines rolling along others, henry sleeping,...all audio files just floating in this getting looped onto one dome collecting this sound. this probably sounds retarded.
Sometimes, you just gotta fucking bite down on your goddamn mouthpieceNo one wants to do it. You will never feel like it. One of my best lines ever I think. That's the thing. You're not just gonna suddenly do something.
when your values are clear, decision-making is easy
I want to buy a lantern post for my eventual living room. Like one of those simple, but regal ones you might find in London or perhaps some other European country. That sounds real nice. With some stage lighting and a piano right next to it. Just like a stage I suppose. Documentary Now! really has got that aesthetic down on season 2 episode 5.
Having a bedtime is seriously limiting. This feeling right now is true freedom and bliss. I can continue working and spending time with things I enjoying doing.
I need to ask Bob an Amazon question. How the fuck is WordPress able to update my website across the fucking world in a second, but AWS isn't able to give me instant returns?
all your values get a little but jumbled in this state. you become less defined as a person, so you dont take any hard stances. what are your values? is that the right thing to be basing your actions off of? why does your behavior align with that type of value pillar.
you see what you should be doing. or what you think you should be doing. why arent you doing it then? baseline level. because im scared? because of standards? \
make me uncomfortable. lets grow. i want to experience the bottom and the journey to the top. all stages. maybe you shouldnt always be at the top. maybe the cycle of a human is to experience all of these stages. also not in the order or progression of your life.
im trying to change the world.
x have been an enourmous asset to me in my life. its given me a lot of life, and creativity and expression. and its also given me a lot of grief and death. and will continue to do so. this is the cycle i see in myself.
you see what you should be doing. or what you think you should be doing. why arent you doing it then? baseline level. because im scared? because of standards? \
make me uncomfortable. lets grow. i want to experience the bottom and the journey to the top. all stages. maybe you shouldnt always be at the top. maybe the cycle of a human is to experience all of these stages. also not in the order or progression of your life.
im trying to change the world.
x have been an enourmous asset to me in my life. its given me a lot of life, and creativity and expression. and its also given me a lot of grief and death. and will continue to do so. this is the cycle i see in myself.
maybe i do need a professional soundboard. aka a therapist. could be good just to talk about really random shit like this. i want this. but to them its a random candidate. paid. i dont want paid special support or something like that. i just need regular human connection right. like wtf. mental health is such an important but weird and complex thing.
People who dont know where their going in public make me nervous. Everyone is predictable and going in a specific direction. When someone else doesnt know it throws a variable into the mix and then you have to analyze/make a read. Just like cars and traffic I guess.
But people that dont know where their going. Its okay to not know where youre going down the line, but you have to know where youre going right now. goals i guess is what i mean. you gotta set goals.
But people that dont know where their going. Its okay to not know where youre going down the line, but you have to know where youre going right now. goals i guess is what i mean. you gotta set goals.
I have no religion. Some nights I wish I had.
humans are complex computers. sleep is the reset button. reset for the next day. If I don't save the file, then nothing transfers over to the next day. i need to write and journal — stoic tactic — what went wrong, what went right, what will i do differently tomorrow
if you dont take the time to reflect, then nothing gets saved. you sleep every night and reset. a fresh day every single day. a data focused person knows that that’s one cycle. if you can test and experiment something else at the next cycle, why wouldnt you? why arent i? is there a way that i can make this fun and sustainable? probably? wouldnt this also mean that i could grow insanely fast? constant, daily review and iteration.
Every night is the end of a cycle. What will you take with you into the next one? Or will you even save your work?
if you dont take the time to reflect, then nothing gets saved. you sleep every night and reset. a fresh day every single day. a data focused person knows that that’s one cycle. if you can test and experiment something else at the next cycle, why wouldnt you? why arent i? is there a way that i can make this fun and sustainable? probably? wouldnt this also mean that i could grow insanely fast? constant, daily review and iteration.
Every night is the end of a cycle. What will you take with you into the next one? Or will you even save your work?
I had a call with Bill last week. It had been a couple months since we last spoke and it was a really insightful call. We spoke a little about the inverse and Charlie Munger. “Avoiding stupidity is easier than seeking brilliance.” Difficult problems need to be viewed in both the forward and backward. The example I was going through was with work and the relationships I have there. I want to thrive in the workplace. Are strong relationships super pivotal to getting me there? Hmm perhaps? Maybe, but I’m not convinced. Well are poor relationships going to have an effect in me thriving? Absolutely. Now, it’s not so hard to understand that this incredibly important in me achieving my potential.
back in la i used to just drink in my room and journal. i would just have conversations with myself and discuss my own ambitions with myself. i remember it motivating me. giving me this inner fire that i could do it all. that it was all within my grasp. more of that energy. maybe it goes back to my environment. your environment dictates everything. ive always told myself that. but i was just talking to myself more. which is important. i need to keep the inner dialogue as real as possible. i need to get myself out on paper and work through this stuff. i had the time set aside to purposefully discuss with myself.
faith and sacrifice. i just need to have faith that this is the right thing and that it will work out. if not, amor fati.
faith and sacrifice. i just need to have faith that this is the right thing and that it will work out. if not, amor fati.
nothing is as serious as you make it out to be. nothing requires an immediate response, so think. what are your value pillars and how do you make decisions based off of those pillars? live with all to see. make decisions bathed in that light. the right decision is typically easy to find.
goddamn. lester freeman with a wire quote on season 3 episode 8. ‘life is the shit that happens while you wait for moments that never come.’
For some reason I come alive during the night. And not even the reasonable part of the night. like 11pm is when i start feeling myself and then its on by midnight. ‘even if you are not ready for the day, it cannot always be night’ — fuuck aint that the truth. i just linger in the night.
I need to be okay being bored. Immerse myself in that nothingness. Isn’t that something itself? Time seems so slow and so...present in those moments. Every second is deliberate. Truly something.
Season 4 Episode 10 minute 6 second 20 — Clay Davis just schools Burrell on the game. Davis ain’t a super smart guy. And his character is quite immoral. But, he knows the goddamn game goddamn it. He knows that shit well. He’s able to think big picture and holistically about the macro game they play. Don’t ever get too caught in the details. Make sure you are still thinking bigger picture and about the bigger game at hand. The decision making process becomes a bit easier in that light. Burrell isn’t able to think clearly about shit at all. But Davis is able to see the bigger picture. Funny because I was thinking and day dreaming about music conducting and orchestration earlier today. Was listening to Howl’s Moving Castle theme song for some reason. Think it initially popped up on tiktok or something.
The more noise in my life, the less I think. The less I think, the more automated / auto-pilot my decisions become. The more automated my decisions become, the more of my life goes by without me noticing. The more my life goes by, the less I live the life I want to live. I must be very picky and choosy with my consumption. There are too many vices disguised as benefits in our life. I must be suspect about all of them. Music, movies, entertainment, comedy — these are all things I love. It would be wrong to remove them entirely. But to live with them on 100% of the time is wrong. It wasn’t always like this for humans, and the human mind is weak — it craves all of this and without the proper structure, discipline and self awareness, it will get out of control. I must keep my eyes open and my thinking bottoms up. Addiction and vice comes in many forms and I am a prone individual. Let’s talk about some potential easy routines we can establish.